A Mother’s Love

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There’s something about a mother’s love that cannot be compared to anything else in the world. I say this not because I have experienced this but because I’ve heard many people say it in my lifetime.

This distance always seemed to exist between myself and my mother. Ever since birth, I have always been closer to my father. I do remember pleasant memories of my childhood but for as far back as I can remember, since I was old enough, my mother and I have always been at logger heads. This I remember started when I was 10 years old and has continued to this day. I do believe that in her own way, she loves me. I’m not sure how or how much, but I gather that a mother’s love for her child is incomparable to any love you could ever experience. Being an only child, I suppose that statement is even moreso.

I believe the distance is as a result of my mother not really getting to know who I am. Right now, if my mother was to buy a gift for me, she would get something that I would never buy for myself in a million years. My father … could go away and shop for my clothes!

This whole relationshing rift between my mother and I came into sharp focus yesterday when she expressed concern for me. I was not sure how to react and so I didn’t. I was somewhat angry for what she said to me and my mother has always been able to do that. However, it lead me to think of our relationship as a whole and wondered if I could have been the reason for the rift all along. I thought long and hard about it and came to a conclusion …. we were both responsible for it. Because of some of the things she did and the reactions she displayed to various situations, it caused me to clam up and keep things to myself. My father and I have the most wonderful relationship that amazes people whenever they see us together. They either think we are a couple or that we are brother and sister. No such thing with my mother.

A lot of occurences in my life has led me to think about this and I feel like she’s reaching out to me right now. I’ve never really told her how I feel because I don’t think she would take it very well. I don’t want her to think that she has failed as a mother because ironically, I don’t think she has failed at all. She did a good job of raising me, but in my eyes, my father contributed most to my development and raising me to the woman I am today. I am still trying to put all of this into perspective and hope that whatever I decide is the best thing to do.

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3 responses »

  1. I think you should talk to her and tell her how you feel…It’s been too long. I know…I’m like that with my dad…I’m really close to my mother but not very close to my dad which I regret. However, since I have been away…he relatinship with my dad has changed for the better because I realised that even though he doesn’t show it like my mom he does love us just the same, he just shows it in a very diffeent way. Also I realised that daddy has been more expressive in words than talking face to face. His emails to me has always brought me to tears because what I haven’t gotten over the phone or face to face conversations, is poured out in his words, which screams love and care. Our relationship has really gotten better, unfortunately it too me moving miles away for it to happen. Your Mom loves you Nioka, she just shows it differently than Mr Hotty Hotty Jones.

  2. My advice to you is try and get to know more about each other before it’s too late. I grew up knowing only my mother and mother’s family, no dad, no aunts until late into my primary school years. I always wondered why I was not living with my father and how is it that I know nothing about him. My mother did not say much about him nor did I resented him. I basically grew up and learnt little by little the story. My Dad had a whole different family going on for him on the outside, actually more than one..to cut a long story short, my dad is now deceased and it’s now too late to bond…

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