Last October, I posted Pt. 1 of this blog.
Last night after an explosive argument between myself and the maternal parental unit, it has prompted part 2. She needed a serious reality check which I gave her last night. Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t disrespect her in any way. I simply made my point in the calmest and most civil way I could despite the extreme to which she pissed me off. Even after I said what I had to say and proceeded to ignore her, she continue to rants and raves about whatever was peeving her at that moment.
For those who think that there can be some sort of reconciliation between me and her, will need to say extra prayers because despite the fact that she is my mother, that is going to be very difficult for me to do. I have endured many years of judgment, lies, deceit, insensitivity, hypocrisy blah blah blah … I have really had enough of it.
My mother is one of those persons who has the “Something is wrong with everyone else” syndrome and clearly does no sort of introspection to see if maybe, just maybe, something is wrong with her. If she can’t see that, then I am through trying to get her to see the error of her ways. I am not a perfect daughter and I’m sure this must be a disappointment to her seeing that there are no other siblings to redeem her dream of whatever it is she had for me. However, I am an individual and I will not try to live the life that she has envisioned for me. It’s too late to be the doctor or lawyer or whatever it is she wanted me to be. It is very sad that she can’t be happy for me when I’m so happy (except for those times when she pushes me over the edge). There are so many things that has happened with her that I’ve tried to look past … but she always manages to do something to take me right back to where I was when there was nothing but hostility inside me for her.
I know this sounds very sad and I’ve thought about this so many times. Am I a bad person for feeling this way about her? This is now past teenage rebellion where you thought your mother was the worst person in the world. These are real issues that I have been able to put into perspective as an adult. I really don’t want it to be that one of us is no longer here and we have to live with the fact that we didn’t have a relationship. I hope … still hope …. that there is a reconciliation somewhere in the future before it is too late.
And …. in honour of the paternal parental unit, I will have to do a blog about my father … can’t believe this was never done given the wonder of our interaction!!