These last few months I’ve played the role of counsellor to both men and women in failing relationships. It is amazing to hear some of the stories told of relationships gone bad whether because of infidelity, a person changing after moving in together or getting married or a person’s change in life direction.
In each of the scenarios I’ve encountered the aggrieved partner was in pain, complete turmoil, despair and in some cases extreme depression because they just “don’t know what to do anymore”. Now, I know that seeing someone in a situation and being in the situation yourself will put 2 different spins on it. One of my rules about giving advice especially when it comes to relationships is to tell the person that I’m merely making suggestions about what I think is best. The decision is entirely up to them as to what they want to do. I don’t want to be held responsible for anything because these days you can’t be too sure about anyone. The dumpee may hear that the dumper had talked to you about it and next think you know, you’re dodging bullets on the street or trying to outrun cars chasing you (ok … that’s a bit extreme but I’m sure you get my point).
My question is, why is it so hard to let go of the things that are so toxic in our life that it literally makes us sick?
One of these persons in particular, a female, had more than enough reason to leave. Reasons for staying: have been together 18 years, have 2 children together, have investments together (just bought a house together, although all the reasons to leave were known to her prior to making the decision to buy a house together). She believes there is no relationship anymore, has proof of infidelity and abuse, yet continues to say she prays and asks God to show her what she must do …. HELLO??? Don’t you think even one of these is reason enough to get the hell out?? I told her as much and eventually had to tell her that I was not going to talk about the situation anymore. I’m very blunt like that and anyone who knows me well will tell you that. I say it as it is, I don’t beat around the bush and I can be harsh if I have to. This is one trait that my friends admire about me.
Another person, a male is completely unhappy in his marriage as the wife has “changed” and it appears she only got married to have children. She has done some awful things too and it has the potential to get very ugly but he just can’t seem to leave. He’s not dependent on her in any way, he says he doesn’t love her anymore, they don’t sleep in the same bed together anymore. I’ve suggested counselling for them both but that hasn’t materialized yet.
Why is so hard to let go? Is the complacency of the situation warrant a person’s unhappiness? I believe that nothing is more important than happiness, contentment and peace of mind. I hope that I will never be in a situation where I’m afraid to let go.