The Final Meltdown

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There comes a time when a person just has to draw the line. It is difficult to make certain decisions sometimes, but at the end of the day, decisions have to be made and we just have to live with the end result of those decisions.

I’ve written about the extremely poor relationship between my mother and I and have now officially concluded that there can be no form of reconciliation between us.

I neglected to post about a serious encounter we had back in April of this year, simply because I did not need the stress at the time and just didn’t feel like posting about it then.

To give some sort of background in the smallest nutshell possible, my mother and I have not had a relationship since I was about 15 years old. I never did understand then what caused the rift. I wasn’t a rebellious teenager (for the most part), I wasn’t a bad child, I did well in school and I couldn’t come up with a reason for the type of behaviour she used to display to me. Up to this day, people are of the view that my mother has been and continues to be jealous of the relationship between my father and I. We have a wonderful relationship – open, trusting, unconditional. I found my mother to be very judgemental, critical (not the constructive type), self serving, hypocritical, dishonest and deceitful. I would need to start a whole new blog about all the things that have happened, but to sum it up, the relationship has been the pits for many many years now.

Without getting into the details of what transpired in April and just 3 weeks ago, I have decided that I do not want her to be a part of my life in any meaningful and active way. We had a major argument and she continues to refuse to see that she was wrong and to acknowledge that she needs help that neither I nor my father can give her. He has lived with her behaviour for many years, and has tried to get her to see that some adjustment needs to be made in her attitude to things, her approach to certain situations, but according to her “she has looked into herself and she doesn’t think anything is wrong with her. In fact, she thinks she’s a wonderful person”. I personally told her that I don’t think she has any control over the way she behaves to a great extent and that she should seek to get some counselling or some sort of professional help. I have resolved that I am not willing to give her another chance. All the chances have turned around to bite me in the ass, making me feel like the battered wife that keeps going back for more. I’ve simply had enough of the roller coaster ride which is my mother. You talk to her and things get better for a few days, a week if you’re lucky, and a month if you’re twice as lucky. Then, things go right back to square one or worse.

I’ve had it. I’m through trying, through putting myself out there. I have so many people who care about me and have treated me like a daughter more than my own mother has. It’s sad but it is a reality. My father is also deeply saddened by the whole situation because it’s like the things that he has been saying to her all these years, have now come to manifest itself in her relationship with me.

I’m sure you may think I’m harsh. But, if it’s one thing I can’t tolerate, it’s a liar and a hypocrite … no matter who the person is. I can’t have faith and believe in anything that she says. I’ll forever wonder “what lie has she told my father this time?” or I’ll always doubt if she’s being genuine when she says or does anything. I’ll just be waiting the the next meltdown when she “snaps”. I’m through with the emotional stress she has put me through, especially these last few months which have been extremely delicate for me. It’s a sad ending but I’ll willing to let go ….. and I have.

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9 responses »

  1. What’s it like 2 have a mother who has a licence 2 commit every considerable injustice 2 her daughter simply because she always somehow conveniently forgets every cruel action she does? What’s it like 2 converse wid somebody who uses anger as a weapon 2 bully 2 an abrupt end every discussion that might hold her accountable? What’s it like 2 argue wid a saboteur who insists she’s ‘dear mom’ only when de mommy role could make her privy 2 information that she could use 2 undermine your confidence &/or your progress? How do U let in somebody who makes U join her in pretendin’ 2 de public (& most importantly, 2 yourself) that she’s always been every-ting she’s never been — & who seems so convinced your sad times 2gether were actually glad times (that her slap across your face was actually a kiss on de cheek if U’d just join her in rememberin’ it correctly, etc.) that U wonder if her denial has really reached such a sociopathic depth that her conscience really rests in peaceful oblivion, or if her forgetfulness is just an Oscar-worthy performance? I don’t know de answer 2 any o’ these questions, so I’ve been happily mom-less for ages. Don’t know de specifics of your situation — it’s a monumental decision — but ditchin’ mine’s been my best life-choice so far.

  2. Let me just say I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my mother.I certainly do not feel close to her and I can’t say it bothers me.

  3. Oh, I find this post so extremely sad, along with the comments from M.Piggy and Abeni. Why? Because I think the mom-daughter relationship should be such a special one. I won’t even pretend to be able to imagine all that you have gone through for you to come to this decision CD.

    Over the years I have realized that the unconditional love and support (financially, emotionally) that I have received from mine is not to be taken for grant. I used to be so shocked when I hear horror stories of mothers, since I found it incomprehensible that any parent – especially mother could behave in such a manner.

    I just hope that your decision will bring you some peace.

  4. I can’t in all honesty say that I know what you have been through or are going through. I can however wish that from your decision you will find some peace in the situation. All the best.

  5. It’s sad that there can’t be a reconciliation between you two, but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do for your own peace of mind….such a shame.

  6. Yeah, that’s the most important thing – PEACE OF MIND – and as long as she is a part of my life, I will never have that. As an only child for both my parents, it is surprising that it had to be this way but I’ve made my decision, for better or worse.

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