On Marital Mistakes & Snooping

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The oh so witty Daddy Oh who writes in the Sunday Observer had a very interesting article on Sunday, Marital Mistakes. The article basically talks about people getting married for the wrong reasons and some lies that absolutely MUST be told to women in order to keep the marriage alive. While I found the article amusing, I thought it quite chauvinistic that women are portrayed as a weak, unintelligent, self-esteem lacking beings who will fall for anything. Admittedly, there are some women like those talked about in the article and I don’t know if they are the majority. But, I took slight offence to some aspects of it. And to think that these little white lies are what seems to be holding many marriages together according to Daddy Oh is quite sad. What ever happened to good old companionship? Have we become so idealistic that our happiness in marriage is now pinned down to how beautiful or wife/husband is, how much money we are making, where we live, where we hang out, who we hang out with, what kind of car we drive, where we work and all that non-sensical crap?? Do married couples talk anymore? And I mean talk, not argue about paying bills or who needs to talk to the son that’s not making grades or the daughter who talks too long on the phone. I mean talk, about their likes, their dreams, things they want to do together and actually plan doing them? If this is what marriage is all about, then I absolutely don’t want it. I want to be happy in my marriage when I do get married … not caught up in all the societal drama which seems to ensue.

On another note, an article in the Monday Observer’s All Woman Magazine, To Catch A Snoop, also caught my eye and interest. How many women are guilty of going through their man’s phone, drawers, wallet looking for evidence of infidelity which we certainly cannot deal with if we find out it’s true that the low life some of a bitch bastard mofo has been lying to us and cheating on us for as long as the relationship has been in existence. According to the article, it is encouraging said snooping in order to prevent heartbreak and at the worst extreme, contracting HIV/AIDS from a cheating partner.

What says the blogosphere on the latter article? Is snooping ok? Would you leave your partner if you found out that they snooped or confessed to you that they snooped? What if you were in fact the cheating lying bastard I mentioned earlier? Would your reaction be the same? To not be bias and give the view that I think only men cheat which I most certainly don’t, this question extends to the men too although I believe the activity of snooping is done mostly done by the feminine gender.

Is it right to be “snoopy” … cute huh?? … CD wants to know!

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8 responses »

  1. Don’t B snoopy; be Linus or some other Peanuts:) I’m not a snoop, but then some people really have reason 2 B. No reason 2 B wid someone U don’t/can’t trust. Ah know a girl who ‘rented’ a stripper, & what shoulda been a single night together, ended up bein’ more than that. Every time he had 2 perform at a bachelorette party or a risque soiree, she went nuts. Ah was stuck wid her all semester, although ah told de professor that she was missin’ our assignment-appointments & not carryin’ her end o’ de assignment. She’d show up at class late & weepy wid all kinda sob stories about how he’d promised 2 quit his ‘grind’ now that he was hers. Heard they had a child together. Don’t even have 2 ask if she was extremely snoopy.

  2. I’m not gonna snoop on my woman. She loves me so much it scares me, so I have every confidence in her. But if she shows the signs, I’m gonna investigate. Marriages nowadays are less about love and more about convenience.

  3. My dad told me never search a mans pockets cos you may find what you look for. I never have and never will — not cos of that but cos my mum told me any man yuh haffi spy pon ah nuh fi yuh.

    With the advent of HIV/AIDS only deh wid people who understand the risks and take the same level of precautions you do. If you can’t do that use protection in any relationship regrdless of the length of time you have been together or it’s status.

    My negative HIV status is one I intend to maintain. It is not just about cheating and broken hearts it’s about life and death.

    Most marraiges have always been about convinience … most people never end up with the ones they truly love or want.

    On a level though if you wanna have other relationships lemme know!

  4. What does Gooders mean?

    Well, I don’t like snooping and I too believe that if you don’t trust the person and think you have to snoop, you shouldn’t be with the person.

    However, after being in a committed relationship with someone and had no reason (and hadn’t been) snooping on him, he start acting weird, showing signs of cheating, and I’ve spoken to him and not convinced, I’d want to know what’s going on so that I can make my next move. So, based on that I might do a little investigation. Just to assure myself that things are ok and doesn’t require me to make any change to my relationship status.

  5. I guess my theory is be very open from the very start on bnoth sides. How can i expect to know what he’s up to if he dones’t know what I’m doing? And once you know that you can know anything, they you realise you don;t need to know anything

    However, like gela, is things felt odd and started to change, then I’d want to look into it!

  6. First on marital mistakes. The biggest mistake is getting married because of status, social or other wrong reasons. Marriage scares the hell outta me.
    Second on snooping. Insecurity is a most unattractive quality but I know a wise man who said in everything there is a centre line .. anything, any blip thats off course .. oughta be investigated.
    Once I had a man who not only checked my phone but also had me followed, as well as made a habit of ‘passing’ by my home or wherever I said I’d be just to make sure. It was both creepy and very off putting.

  7. Yes finding a good match is hard, but what is even harder is realizing that to hold on to the relationship you have to both adjust to each other as personalities change over the years, and they will.

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