No, this post is not about one of my favourite candies, it’s not about the year 3000 and it’s worse not about the letter M.

MMM is my abbreviation for MARRIED MEN MAGNETS. This is the term I have coined for all women who are involved with married men. Now, before I continue this post is in no way biased to married men as it is well known that married women also engage in extra-marital affairs. I’m writing about this one now because it is more relevant to me at this point in time and I have never encountered a married woman who is cheating on her husband.

I have very very few female friends. Of the very few I have, 95% of them are involved with married men.  When I ask them why they would:

1.  Be in a relationship with someone that wasn’t 100% theirs

2. Put themself through the pain of knowing that he is married and sleeping in the same bed with his wife, while telling you how much he loves you and wishes he could stay with you in your bed.

3.  Be with someone they knew there were playing #2 (or #3, or #4, etc.)

The answers were many and varied.

a) not looking for a committment right now

b) he is minding (taking care of) me and my child/children

c) he fucks me good

d) he doesn’t really love his wife and is going to leave her

e)  he makes me feel special

Having been a victim of the married man syndrome once in my life, I can speak with some knowledge on the subject.  When they make these silly utterances about why they were with him, I hasten to tell them that they are making the biggest mistake of their lives for the following reasons:

1.    No matter what he tells you, he ain’t leaving his wife for you – not saying it is impossible but in most cases, they don’t.

2.    If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you.  How can women be so stupid to think that they are the only one on the side?  The dog of a man will cheat with you and any other passing catty he thinks is hot or will give him some front.  Don’t think that you’re special.  Chances are you’re not as special as you think or how he makes you out to be.

3.  If he’s good in bed, there are probably 10 other men – SINGLE – who will give you a fuck just as good or even better than his.

4.  Is all the $$$ he’s giving you worth knowing that he is with someone else?  We all know money is the means to and end and also the root of all evil, so most people would stay in any relationship just for the money.

My  married man relationship wasn’t bad.  It lasted for a year and I was only about 21 years old and he was 33.  I never for a minute fooled myself into thinking that there was a future.  It worked for me at the time.  He was very interesting, intelligent, we had some great stimulating conversations, some great sex, some nice nights out, I got some $$$ out of it as well.  Then … the emotions came in.  After talking to someone, spending time with them, sharing intimate moments of intercourse with them, it is only a matter of time before you start falling in love with them without even realizing it.  You find yourself thinking about them all the time, calling them every second, wishing that you could spend more time with them, wishing he could spend the night or vice versa.  And then you realize – YOU WANT MORE than the relation is capable of giving you.  That’s what happened to me and I walked away before it was too late.  Not many women have the strength to do that but I’m glad I did.  Getting involved with a married man is a big risk, one I’m not prepared to take again, and I hope no one I know and love with drive down that road.


13 responses »

  1. I have never been married or in a relationship with a married woman, but, in my teenage days, I knew what it felt like to discover that my Father was in a relationship outside of his marriage to my Mother. At the time, it hurt like hell when I found out, and I initially wanted to deny it. (I often thought of my parents as near perfect beings in my younger days….) it was even more painful for my Mother…who I feel gave her love to him unconditionally nevertheless. Some may say she was stupid, but, that was her decision…..

    All I can say is, you have made good points CD. But always remember, the bad that one dishes out to people may someday come back to haunt/remind you or your children….. BTW CD, ‘you’ here is a general term….I am not directing this comment at you…. As you rightly said, if the man cheated with you, he will do so with others. Leave the married man thing alone….remember, if the woman doesn’t encourage him, he can’t keep returning…..enuff o me.

  2. Good post and such true words CD. There are still a few good men out there with many of the qualities a woman would want and single! By the way ladies, my marital status is still single, suh give a brotha a link! lol.

  3. I always feel sorry for any woman who is waiting, believing he’ll leave his wife for her. Because he probably won’t, and if he does, he’ll probably leave you for someone else one day. Have never been involved wiht a married man and have no intention of ever doing so.

  4. Never been there but have seen the results several times over. I have a good friend who was involved with a married man even had a child for him and pined over him for years (all against my advice and quarrelling. Well he did leave his wife and now he’s getting married to another one of the many girlfriends and she isn’t the one. Another co-worker went through the routine and even married the man after he left his 1st wife for her. Well she is single again with 2 children and he is on his way to wife number 4. I guess the what goes around comes around theory is for real.

  5. Great Post, feel like email a few friends right now with it.

    Personally I would rather be single forever, than take someone’s left overs.

    Also we women need to be better to each other. I’ve heard women rant about how the reason the man is cheating with them is because the wife can’t handle her business….which is such crap. Having been cheated on, I would never wish the same fate on someone else.

    I mean as the participating third party you get to make the choice, since you have all the information, so really the onus is on you to do the right thing.

  6. So true, so very true.

    Been there, done that! (although I was one of those who didn’t benefit financially!)

    And that’s what a lot of women need to understand, that he cheated with you, he’ll cheat ON you!

    I endorse every sentence in this post.

  7. Know someone who is a luvly single, currently wastin’ de entire decade of her twenties on a cruel animal. She seems stuck on de futile, prob’ly some early conditionin’ did that to her.

  8. lost a friend over this issue once. She asked my opinion and I said if it’s so bad with his wife then why is he still there. For pointing out the truth as I saw it made me enemy number 1.Needless to say he never left and gf turned around an dcomplained bitterly about how wrong he did her. From what I see many women believe they can handle these situations and end up biting off more than they can chew

  9. Me not cussing anybody who get involved in dem tings deh, but at the same time, if you can avoid it, stay far! CD, plenty woman get involve because dem feel say dem can manage it and dem naw go fall in love wid de breddah, but 99% of de woman dem can’t help falling in love wid de man dem because dem more emotional dan de man dem. Nuff of de man dem can hangle dem emotions and will never love anyone but demself. Watch out! Dats it, I’m out!

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  11. I can always remember my mother waiting at home with 5 children, while my father gallivanted around the place with numerous women. Today, I often wonder if he practiced safe sex, as he would have given her an STD. I resented my mother for staying, and hated my father for his antics.

    Today, I have an issue with infedility of any sort. Will not condone friends who do it, nor married men, engaged men or men with girlfriends who try to talk to me. And…lets not forget the married men who lie to unsuspecting women about being married…

    Great post.

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