Still Can’t Believe You’re Gone


It is only 10 months since I lost one of my closest friends and here I am mourning the loss of another one of my close friends. Gone Too Soon, the famous Michael Jackson song, is so appropriate to describe the death of these 2 beautiful women.

It is so hard to comprehend the concept of death. When you lose a loved one, especially someone so young, the thoughts of why immediately enter your mind. Even Christians, who have a deep faith and belief in God and a better life after death, have to grapple with the thoughts of WHY. The what ifs, the maybe if, or even just the if. The thoughts of what we want to be when we lose someone is enough to make you become insane. I remember my first encounter with death. I was 21 years old and one of my then best friend’s brother passed away under very tragic circumstances. I remember being in disbelief. I remember driving and not knowing how I actually got home that evening after hearing of his passing. I remember the pain I felt and the need to be strong for my best friend. I remember his mother, being heavily sedated in order to make it through the days from his death leading up to the funeral service. It all was just too much to bear.

Today, it’s been 17 days since the passing of another one of my closest friends. I’m still in disbelief that all this is happening. I’m having a really difficult time accepting the reality that she’s gone, leaving behind her loved ones, including 2 sons, one of whom is just 1.5 years old, to continue to live their life without there beloved mother, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, companion. It is only the grace of God that has kept me going. I keep saying to myself if I’m feeling so distraught about it, I can’t begin to imagine what her family is going through. I was asked to do a tribute at the thanksgiving service for her life tomorrow, on behalf of our company. I feel honoured to be given the opportunity to say goodbye to her, in this way, one last time.

I continue to pray for strength and comfort for those of us left behind to mourn her death. I wrote this poem in her honour.

Still can’t believe you’re gone
Still can’t accept the reality
Still trying to understand
Comprehend, rationalize

The spirit of your smile,
The warmth of your voice,
The encouraging words,
The frankness of your criticisms
All the things that made you
Who you were

The void you leave
Compares to nothing as empty
Vessels, brains, promises
Just empty

From where should our comfort come
From God? Yes!
And from the pleasant memories you left
From the indelible mark you left
On everyone you came across
From the thoughts of your
Compassion, empathy, friendship
The wonderful thoughts of who you were
That sustains us
And makes us smile
Even though you’re gone.

R.I.P. Kerrian. Words cannot express this sadness.


9 responses »

  1. Oh Estaban, thank you. It is hard but holding up. Focusing on all the great memories I have of her. I guess it will get better with time so I’m just taking it 1 day at a time.

  2. Sorry to hear of this loss. Condolences to her family too. Death is that extremely difficult part of human life-cycle as we know it. Loosing a loved one is something no one can get used to.

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